|The Elder Race of Martians
unilaterally declared War on NASA sixty-three million years ago, because they considered
NASA the greatest "all time" threat to Mars. These Elder Martians had inhabited
the Red Planet for eons. Their civilization was extremely technologically advanced and in
one certain "high-tech" field the Martians were considered the best in the
Universe. This was for their Electronic Surveillance, Command and Control System:
"ESCCS," for which they won the coveted Silver URL, the Universe's Highest
Achievement Award, 2,263 years in a row. If we had ever seen the Martian ESCCS equipment
in action, we would believe it was magic. The Martians' intelligence gathering methods
were so advanced, they made it look like the NSA is using two tin cans connected with a
piece of string! One of the Martian Moons: Phobos, was completely hollowed out to hold
their Electronic Surveillance, Command
and Control System: ESCCS, Main Frame Computer running
on Quad 933 gigahertz "Neural Quantum Pentikoos-10" microprocessors and their
fascinating command and control program: "Vingoos XX"
|Yes, those ancient Martians
were envied by every other galactic civilization because with their ESCCS, they
could see, and influence events in the future. Tragically, the Martian did
not foresee their own imminent and total destruction exactly 63 million years ago.
Martians always looked outward, never inward.
The Martians were closely monitoring and manipulating Earth's development to ensure themselves a present and future food source. The Elder race of Martian were not cannibalistic, but did share the same basic and defining philosophy as modern Martians: "I eat, therefore I am." With each Martian having a mini-black hole in their lower intestine, they are very serious about food sources.
|So, the Martians continued to happily manage Earth's vast herds of Dinosaurs. (They were very fond of Brontosaurus Burgers) Then, on that fateful day, sixty-three million years ago, the Goose Fad started. Sixteen hours later the incredibly advanced Martian civilization lay in ruins. All Martians on the Red Planet were killed. Somehow Mars' solar orbit speeded up, their north and south magnetic poles reversed, and every microprocessor on Mars ran backwards, with corresponding alterations to time and space. The vast Dinosaur herds on Earth were destroyed and the Asteroid Belt was created.|
There was one survivor:
Setagll Ib, the Inventor of the command and control programs: "Vingoos 95."
Setagll was deep inside Phobos working alone on his new Tri-zirconium Thirteen Point
Ecto-plasma Neural net Interface. (or: E.I.) Though mortally wounded, Setagll was able to
give his brain a brief superconductor bath (for resistance free thought) and complete a
quick scan of the upcoming one hundred million years. Using the ESCCS, he saw that the
Solar System would develop frighteningly different without Martian controls in place.
Setagll saw a fearsome process starting on Earth that would later be called:
"evolution." He also saw that Humans, if left alone, would land Invaders on Mars
in the year 1978. The Invaders' spacecraft would have: "NASA" written on it.
Setagll had a short rueful chuckle when he saw this name because "NASA" in
Martian means: "Windbreaker," a name given to unruly youngsters. He wanted to
use the ESCCS to destroy Earth, but knew he couldn't do it. He saw that events on Earth
sixty-three million years later would cause the rebirth
of the Martian Race.
|Setagll hurriedly declared War on NASA and programmed the ESCCS to delay NASA's invasion of Mars until the year 2263. He knew that by then the reborn Martians will have rebuilt their fabulous civilization, and be able to quickly suck out the brains and spinal cords of any foolish invaders. He then made his way to the surface of Phobos to die. The surface of Mars' little moon was badly damaged during the Goose Fad disaster. The emergency personal methane disposal conduits there were beyond repair. Setagll was a tremendously wealthy Martian, and, by his "passing," left the largest crater on any moon in the Solar System.|
The ESCCS's influence on Earth over the years was shrewd and effective in inhibiting NASA's success by:
Despite setbacks in a war they didn't know about yet, NASA was enjoying considerable success and could have mounted an expedition to the Red Planet by the year 2070. More information can be learned by visiting NASA's Website.
In 1981, ESCCS sent a particularly strong blast of villainous force of the number thirteen to Earth, using a self-written program. This hideous force was designed to destroy NASA and make all life on Earth de-evolve into Dinosaurs within 282 years. But, because of slight damage to ESCCS's Neural Quantum Pentikoos-2 microprocessors caused by Setagll Ib's "passing," the blast of vile thirteen force was misdirected and hit me and Mike Tyson only, out of all the life forms on Earth. Because I was wearing a Saint Christopher Medallion and my lucky jockey shorts at that time, most of the ghastly force was deflected and redirected back to Phobos and caused ESCCS to do a cold reboot of itself, a process that takes 282 years. Some of the villainous force of the number thirteen sent by ESCCS did affect me:
|Most critical though, a
mysterious tattoo appeared on my right forearm and I missed a Grateful Dead concert that I
had planed to attend. If I had made it to that concert, I would have gone on to my true
calling in life: riding Pygmy Ponies on my Dental Floss Ranch. Because of the misdirected
evil thirteen force blast and some very lucky apparel, I have:
|NASA is now aware of the Elder Martians' ESCCS computer and it's interference in NASA's success, and the vile attempt to destroy them in 1981. NASA has compiled a collection of 1,657 extremely vicious computer viruses and will be stopping briefly on Phobos, before carrying on to land on Mars, hopefully before 2020. NASA is also trying to get the United Nations Security Council to declare that it is legal worldwide to kill and eat Martians.|
|One final note regarding the Martians' Electronic Surveillance, Command and Control System: ESCCS, Main Frame Computer running on Quad 933 gigahertz "Neural Quantum Pentikoos-10" microprocessors and their fascinating command and control program: "Vingoos XX" The Lottomars Club claims ownership and control of the ESCCS device and the Martian Moon Phobos containing this device. The Lottomars Club has contacted various National Intelligence Agencies here on Earth to let them know that ESCCS is for sale and that they had better buy it before NASA gets to Phobos. Offers are coming in quickly, with CSIS submitting the highest bid so far at: $63,000,000.00(CDN) Closing date for offers is December 31, 2015. Submit to: The Lottomars Club Purchaser will receive e-mail confirmation of acceptance and ESCCS's password (the mysterious tattoo on my right forearm) Acceptable payment only by PayPal, certified check or money order payable to: The Lottomars Club. All sales are final. Purchaser is responsible for own freight F.O.B. @ White Sands, New Mexico. Insurance, shipping and handling charges extra. Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org for general Solar System cartage rates.|
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