|Humans have thought that the Martians were a very old race, perhaps Billions of years old. We have always imagined them living happily in the Martian sand. We thought wrong. That was the Elder Race of Martians. They were all destroyed 63 Million years ago by the "Goose Fad," which somehow caused Mars' solar orbit to speed up, their North and South Magnetic Poles to reverse and all their microprocessors to run backwards, with corresponding alterations to time and space. This was a terrible point in Martian history, of which we believe no written record remains.|
|The Martians alive today are a young race. They have only been on Mars since 1995. Close surveillance by recent Mars Orbiters has discovered that one Martian materializes out of the very thin air of Mars every time someone on Earth clicks or presses "Start" with any Microsoft Windows Operating System. 95 Trillion Martians are inhabiting the Red Planet now. Microsoft Corporation likes sentient beings to be productive, but thought the situation on Mars excessive. Microsoft was worried that Mars' surface crust might crack under the weight of all those Martians. So they released several upgrades to their operating system software and eventually "Windows XP" ended the Martian population explosion.|
|Microsoft Corporation, after learning about the horrific cannibalism rampant on Mars, had serious concerns about the Martian's survival. Microsoft has received assurances from the Coca-Cola Company that Martian reproduction would not be a problem.|
|Microsoft Corporation wanted to purchase the incomparable Lottomars Club T-Shirts for all their employees, their family members, and all stockholders. The cost of this order was slightly more money than Microsoft has. So, they offered me the ownership of the company instead of cash. I immediately asked if their employees had received a recent screening to ensure that Microsoft did not have any tricky Martian infiltrators. They said: "why no. . . we haven't done that." I told Microsoft to call me back after they've ferreted out any pesky Martians in their ranks. Until then, Microsoft's employees, their family members, and stockholders, will have to pay for their Lottomars Club T-Shirts themselves.|
|"Anti-Trust" translates into the Martians' language as a ancient curse: "may you live in interesting times."|
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