(Caution: reading this junk could cause the loss of several of your brain cells.)
Lottomars Club costs $1.00US and you will be entered into the random
draw and may get to be the first person on Mars if;
ALL FUNDS FOR MEMBERS RANDOM DRAW RECEIVED WILL BE PLACED IN A CLUB BANK ACCOUNT or PayPal account. These funds received are for the Mars Mission. A 10% processing charge is included in each Random Draw fee. I will use the processing fees and the shipping and handling charges to pay for expenses like postage, stationery, accounting, data entry, maintaining, improving, and promoting this site. Some funds will be for the expenses for the lucky (and paid up!) Lottomars Club Member chosen to go to Mars. That Member will need more than a toothbrush & sleeping bag! Also, some funds will be for the chosen Club Member to maintain a Web-Site for the Mars Mission. (Solar System Wide Web!). Any remaining expense money goes back into Lottomars Club trust fund. The goal of the Lottomars Club is to raise over $5,000,000,000.00(US) for a mission to Mars and to send along one Club Member who has paid $1.00 (US), chosen in a random draw, who will be the first person to set foot on Mars. If there are insufficient funds raised after twenty years to accomplish our goal, a vote of all paid up members will be held to see if we should donate all monies raised to NASA and other World Space Agencies, or to continue on, to try and raised enough funds to realize our goal.
The fantastic Lottomars Club T-Shirt comes in crew neck style and made from 100% special anti-vacuum, black hole tested cotton, with the fantastic Lottomars Club Logo on them, and at this very reasonable price, they are a must have for everyone on Earth. These Prestigious Items are available to whoever wishes them, and can pay for them! Lottomars T-Shirts will prevent Martians from sucking out your brain and spinal cord. So, for complete CNS protection, you need one. Like early Fords, they come in any color you want, so long as it's black. Please allow four to six weeks for delivery, especially if you're the 63,614,857th person to order. There are actually only two fantastic Lottomars Club T-Shirt in existence right now and the Owners report a 17% increase in Coca-Cola consumption overall. So, why are you reading this drivel? Order several right away! All orders shipped by regular mail.
I don't know why but everyone else puts in a note saying you must be at least 18 years old to order. I'm going to say the same here. Maybe buying things when you are underage in bad for you, like smoking. Or, reading all this fine print damages your central nervous system so much even a Martian won't go near you!
If your e-mail becomes kaput, nada, or otherwise dead, you're outta here! A dead e-mail address cancels your membership in the Lottomars Club unless you send in a new e-mail address.
All Lottomars Club Members must be like Brothers and Sisters. Perhaps sending each other seasonal greeting cards is a good idea, as you get everyone's e-mail address when you join.
Security? We don't need no stinking security! There used to be NSA approved security/encryption features in place on the entry and order forms, but I trash-canned them because no one was using them. So, don't be concerned about your credit card info, because we don't take credit cards, ha ha!. Hmm. . . credit card intercepts on the Internet, maybe that's how those pesky Martians paid for all those Big Macs!
Is your money safe? Well, I'm not going to take your money. Your money will go to NASA. I did this before and I sent the money to NASA. I'm doing this whole Lottomars thing for fun and I realize that it's extremely unlikely we'll get enough money for a Mars mission. If you're worried about your money, just don't join the club and enter the draw. Need more reassurance? Go to: Poulin Family Homepage and you'll see that I have a honest face.
The random draw fees and T-Shirt prices include all applicable and odious taxes because Revenue Canada Taxation said they would really mess-up my central nervous system and place a mini black hole in my lower intestine if I didn't collect tax. They were all drinking Coca-Cola at the time.
Copyright © The Lottomars Club. All rights reserved.
Revised: 25 Nov 2017 16:13:11 -0800.
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