Martians and Disney

translates into the Martian language as: "a fun time was had by all!"

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Martians & Donald   donald.gif (350 bytes)

The way that Martians see and hear is vastly different from you and me. They have animated vision and hearing. In other words, everything a Martian sees and hears looks and sounds just like a Disney cartoon. This is why those pesky Martians can understand everything that Donald Duck says. By listening carefully* to what Donald has to say, the Martians have been able to develop:

  • Seven different types of "room temperature" superconductors.
  • A cure for headaches that no longer involves self-inflicted concussions.
  • Hyper-genetic Dentistry - grow new teeth every year.
  • Effective vermin control which easily eliminates Chipmunk infestations.
*even the Martians have great difficulty understanding Donald Duck when he sings. The Martians are sure that these songs hold the keys to developing longevity drugs, and a needed procedure to compress methane into a metal.

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The Walt

Next to The Three Stooges, the human that Martians most admired is Walt Disney. That's why, for 7,750,063 years, the Supreme Rulers of the Elder Race of Martians were titled: "The Walt." The tallest mountain on Mars: Olympus Mons, is only the base for a statue of Walt Disney that was 320,028 feet high. All Martians made a pilgrimage to this statue of Mr. Disney, three times in their life-time. Sadly, this magnificent statue was almost totally destroyed, 63 Million years ago, during the terrible "Goose Fad" disaster on Mars.

Martians & Walt Disney

Long ago, the Elder Race of Martians tried to contact Mr. Disney. Using their clairvoyant computer: The Electronic Surveillance, Command and Control System: ESCCS, Main Frame Computer running on Quad 933 gigahertz "Neural Quantum Pentikoos-10" microprocessors and their fascinating command and control program: "Vingoos 3000" They sent a Neural Quantum message across time and space, 65 Million years to Mr. Disney, in the Earth year: 1922. The message contained:

  • Normal greetings.
  • An invitation for Mr. Disney to move all his Business Operations to the Red Planet.
  • Photographs of Martians' axon to dendrite junctions. Which, when viewed with an electron microscope, look exactly like a map of Disneyland.
  • A request for a small sample of Mr. Disney's DNA.
  • Detailed information on recent Martian Superconductor and Dentistry improvements.
  • A plea for help with the problem of replacing the Martian currency with something less volatile.

Unfortunately, the message was severely garbled in transit. All that Walt Disney received was a vision of a very pretty young woman, and seven small, strange looking men, singing: "hi ho, hi ho."

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Martians & Mickey

being0d.gif (303 bytes) Martians are extremely hideous looking to humans. They resemble a hyperactive, two hundred pound, green, and slimy African Mole Rat with complete vacuum cleaner attachments. Nevertheless, because of their peculiar vision, all Martians believe they're as handsome as Mickey Mouse.

Martians & Disneyland

In 1997, the Martians and Disney signed a Landmark Peace Treaty. The Martians agreed not to suck out the brains and spinal cords of any human beings visiting any one of Disney's excellent theme park attractions. Disney agreed to let up to 63 million Martians visit these theme parks annually. Other highlights of the treaty are:

Disney will accept Martian currency and thereby reduce heating and air-conditioning costs at their theme parks by 83%.
ESCCS will stop distributing on Mars, pirated copies of Disney's feature films, before Disney makes them.
Disney will loan Mars $22 Billion(US) to help pay for the Martians' bill from a McDonald's Restaurant in San Francisco, California.
The Martians must all dress in: "Goofy" costumes, while visiting any Disney theme park.
Disney will approach NASA, on behalf of the Martians, to see if they can ever forgive the Martians for declaring war on NASA 63 Million years ago.
No one will be allowed to kill and eat any Martians on Disney's property anywhere in the World.

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Safer Synapses Your Family's brains and spinal cords are safer, while visiting any Disney theme park, than any where else on Earth because Disney and the Martians have a signed treaty in effect. However, it's always a good idea to have the finest protection available for your families' central Nervous systems. So, next time you visit one of Disney's excellent theme park attractions, and Goofy is making sounds similar to a vacuum cleaner, make sure the whole family is wearing a fantastic Lottomars Club T-Shirt.
Martians, and Disney's Adventure Rides
Initially, Martians visiting any of Disney's theme parks were not allowed to go on any of the adventure rides. The very real concern was that the rides would scare the Martians so much, they would involuntarily break wind. A flatulent release of that magnitude would immediately cause a 100,000 year Ice Age on Earth. But, before all you avid Snowboarders in Florida start celebrating, be aware that Disney has now installed personal methane disposal conduits in all theme parks as a safety measure and to provide an easy payment procedure for Martian visitors.

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Disney & The Lottomars Clubtinkerbell.gif (8462 bytes)

The Walt Disney Company asked us if they could have the $1.00(US) cost of membership in The Lottomars Club included with the admission price at all of Disney's great theme parks everywhere. Regrettably, we had to refuse Disney's request until they figure out a way to exclude membership in the club to all those 63 million pestiferous Martians, who are not human and therefore cannot belong to The Lottomars Club.

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